Who saids shotguns are crap?

 So I got to playing Battlefield Three again, after a long hiatus. Well it came out around the time I was in college. And then Minecraft came out. And my K/D ratio was 1,700 deaths to like three kills, so I said "Meh. Fuck it."

My buddy Conquer and my buddy Mantic decided we go into a couple games. It seems that night everyone hated shotguns and warned that if used you would be banned from their server.

Off to a good start, eh?

We found one on "Metro". No shotguns of course. But funny enough I got killed by three guys using the damn things without even seeing the host blinking an eyelash their way.

"The hell with this!" Conquer said. "It's Jackhammer time." A Jackhammer is a type of shotgun.

So the three of us made a pact to get banned together. Not before I wasted 25 (32-29 final) people with my mad skills with the shotty.

I swear I am never this good at BF3. Yet I'm running around like a chicken on crack shoving the Jackhammer up people's asses, screaming "Order up! 12 rounds of 'fuck-you' for this gentlemen camping the stairs!"

The best part? We never got banned. It was pretty clear the host wasn't even in existence. Fine by me!

That got boring, so we headed into another server that had "jets" in the title. All I remember is seeing a lot of  people dog fighting above me. It was like watching a train wreck: you know it's terrible, but you can't stop watching.

So Conquer decided to take a jeep and tell me and Mantic to hop in if we wanted to live. Yet he managed to drive off into the borders of insta-kill land, and almost got him and Mantic killed. I, the smart one, jumped out when I saw this ride wasn't going to end well.

Near the end I decided to pull out my shotty on some dude camping a gas station. Proably hoping it goes down in price at some point. Course our "fearless" leader Conquer dies first. Mantic almost dies, but manages to lure two other jerk wads out for me to blast the living shit out of them.

For the record, I had 1% health left.

I think next time, I will stick to shotguns more often, and volunteer to walk when I see Conquer behind the wheel of anything with wheels, treads, or an engine.