Episode 1A- You call this a "Simple job?"

Prologue here.

When we last left off, we had a friggn' long ass intro, followed by a welcome by the crew: In the form of killing off two pilots and chasing our protagonist's ass into an elevator.

After the asshat tries to barge into the elevator (and fails), we take it to some sort of creepy room.

Course it's locked.

Approaching this door causes a man on the other side to start banging on it calling for help. He saids something about "them using the vents."

So instead we shall head left of the door.

"Cut off their limbs." Words to live by in this game.

And here's the weapon for the job.

Walk over to the bench there to pick up your first weapon: The Plasma Cutter. Basically your go-to gun. Solid firepower, decent reload, and not a bad fire rate.

It's also worth noting that almost all the weapons are based off engineering tools. Since Isaac is an average guy who is in the middle of a shit storm.

This is the point where the game beats the "Cut them apart" motto over your head.

On the plus side we can throw punches and curb stomp things into submission!

Before moving on check these boxes for small med pack and money.

You will need credits, as they are called, to buy stuff from the store. More on that later.

See these boxes? Curb stomp their asses!

These green boxes hold money, ammo, or health packs. If ya see them, open them up. Don't worry, the crew won't mind. Their not using them anyways.

At this point the guy behind the door's whaling is killing my ear drums, so now we can open the lock to save his ass.

These purple locks need to be destroyed before a door is unlocked next to it. Either shoot it, or punch it.

What you don't see is me attempting to punch the lock open. So I said "fuck it" and shot it open.

Excuse me sir, but could you explain what the hell is going on? And could you direct me to the nearest escape shuttle?

Oh fuck you.

Yes, as soon as you open the door, that asshole jumps the man and kills him. You can't save him, don't waste your ammo until it jumps at you. THEN cut it to pieces.

AHHH!!!! GET IT OFF ME!!!!

Or get pulled into getting chomped on and activate a quick-time event. If one of these things grabs you, mash the "A" button (Xbox 360) until you punch it's head off.

Here, chew on my fist!

For all I know, it could've just wanted a hug. A very painful hug.

It's good to note: Shooting their heads off only precedes to piss them off. They will still come at you. If ya shoot off their legs, they will crawl towards you and hack at your shins.

Laments terms: They want to kill you. And they will stop at nothing to do so.

When they die, they have a chance to drop ammo or credits.Most times ammo.

That doesn't mean you can't CURB STOMP THEM INTO KETCHUP SAUCE!!!!

The harder the difficulty, the less ammo they drop. So aim carefully.

My bad.

Moving down the corridor we come to another game tip: The act of using med kits. As explained before, the blue bar on your back is your health. When you hold up your gun, it shows how much ammo for that clip.

There is no hud to clutter the screen. And thank goodness, because I really don't wanna draw my eyes away from whatever wants to chop me into sushi while I examine 50 different things.

Yes, game, I am explaining that now.

See that empty bar? That shows when you take damage.

And this is what happens when you use a med kit.

You can only use med kits when your injured. You can't just use them up willie nilly. If your inventory is full, either drop something, or if need be, heal.

Before moving on, head left as soon as you enter the "med kit hall." Go pick up some credits for your hard-earned healing.

Figures. This tunnel is blocked.

FOR GOOD REASON.

Ah, the audio logs.

Throughout the game, you will come across "Audio logs." These are messages left from crew members painting the story of what went down before your arrival. Some are personal messages of what's on the person's mind or even a hint at a puzzle.

This one is from a dude named Benson.

Benson: This is Benson. Everybody listen up! They're using the vents! That's how they're getting around the ship!

Benson (continued): Stay away from the vents...

A man shouts in the back ground.

Look out!

Benson: Get back! Get back!

A hiss is heard followed by men screaming. End of log.

THEY'RE ARE VENTS ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why the fuck does one ship need so many vents for? God, I'm never gonna look at these things the same EVER AGAIN.

But yes, keep an eye out for a random dust cloud coming out of a vent; This means an enemy is about to pop out. Also watch out for silhouettes and noise of a vent breaking. No you cannot seal them.

At this point we reach Tram control.

I wonder what's happened to Kendra and Hammond? Maybe we'll get lucky and we can GTFO outta here.

Ah, shit a brick.

Kendra: Isaac? Issac! God, I can't believe he made it.

YOU can't believe *I* made it?

Hammond: Isaac, we ran into more of them on the way over here. Are you oKay?

Kendra: More what?! What the hell are those things? Is that the crew?!

A short answer: Yes. What's left of them.

Hammond: Keep your voice down! Whatever they are, they're not friendly! And half the doors on the ship are locked because of the quarantine.

Doesn't mean anything. All my doors over here are all unlocked. So BLEH!

Hammond: Now we have to get to the bridge, but first, we got to repair the tram system.

Of fucking course we do. Unless you wanna walk there. Bit of a stroll. I know, I did it once.

Kendra: You're crazy Hammond. You're gonna get us all killed.

Not me. I'm armed and dangerous. I got a boot that could cave in a Tortoise shell.

Hammond: If you listen to me, I WILL get you out of here alive. Now what's wrong with the tram?

It's probably broken and the data board is kaput.

Kendra: The data board is fried but there should be a spare in the Maintenance Bay. There's also a broken tram blocking the tunnel that needs to be repaired.

CALLED IT! Everyone reading this owes me $300 Canadian.

Kendra: Dammit, everything is on the other side of this quarantine. We can't reach it from here.

Bet I can.

Hammond: No, we can't...but you can.

CALLED IT AGAIN!

Hammond: Isaac, if I can get to the Bridge, I should be able to access the personnel files. You fix the tram and I'll help you find Nicole.

End of video up-link.

No pressure, Boss.

Part Two here.

Prolouge- In Space, Nigtmares are Born

WARNING: Long post. You have been warned. All dialogue straight from the game unless it is in italics. Enjoy.

 In the future, Earth will be pillaged of all natural resources. Humanity has literally, put itself on the verge of destruction.

A new way of mining evolves. Planet cracking: The process of tearing a planet apart for resources. To do this, special ships are made. The most famous: The USG Ishimura.

The year is 2414. And a distress signal is launched from the Ishimura. Unknown what the problem is, a small group of people are sent to find out what's going on. Amongst them, is Isaac Clarke. An engineer for the Concordance Extraction Corporation.

What seems like an average repair job, will turn into a nightmare. They say "In space, no one can hear you scream." No truer words could be spoken for this game.

Now "Visceral Games."

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...

Photo from Google Images.

Let the nightmare begin...

A fuzzed screen loads in, reading off the personnel aboard the USG Kellion. Soon an image fades in of a woman. She sounds distressed as she records what appears to be a video entry.

And I totally forgot to put subtitles on.

"Isaac, it's me. I wish i could talk to you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry about everything."

"I wish I could just talk to someone. It's all falling apart here I can't believe what's happening!"

"Strange, such a little thing..."

 The message abruptly ends as static engulfs the woman's face. One of the crew mates, Kendra Daniels, walks from the left, noticing Isaac finishing the video.

Kendra: How many times have you watched that thing? 

Lost count after 199.

Kendra: Guess you really miss her. Don't worry we're almost there, you'll be able to look her up once we're on board. Sounds like you two have a lot of catching up to do.

This ship is gonna rock when me and the lady "catch up."

The ship exits hyper space and enters what appears to be a debris field. Zach Hammond starts:

Hammond: Alright everyone we're here. Synching our orbit now.

Kendra: All this trouble over a chunk of rock.

Hammond: Deep space mining is a lucrative business Ms. Daniels. Aegis Seven is a gold mine according to prospector reports. Cobalt, silicon, osmium...

Looks like Kendra got plenty of silicon in the chest and butt.

He continues as the USG Ishimura begins to become visible.

Hammond: Now where is she?...There she is. We have visual contact.

Kendra: So that's the Ishimura. Impressive.

Hammond (Quips): The USG Ishimura. Biggest planet cracker in her class.

YEAH KENDRA! GET IT RIGHT!

Hammond: And it looks like they already popped the cork.

Kendra notices something odd about the ship.

Kendra: Why is it all dark, I don't see any running lights...

Hammond: Corporal take us in close and hail them. And stay clear of that debris field. We're here to fix their ship, not the other way around.

Famous final words, bald boy.

Corporal: USG Ishimura- this is the emergency maintenance team of the USG Kellion responding to your distress call. Come in, Ishimura.

Kendra: You're going to need to boost the signal if their power is low.

Hammond: Yes we know. Boost the signal. More.

Kendra: Never heard of a total communications blackout on one of these things. You'd think with a thousand people on board someone would pick up the phone.

Their probably busy moaning over no friggn' hockey this year.

A signal finally comes in. But it sounds odd; As if someone is either chocking or the signal is distorted.

 
Corporal: What is that?

See? Told ya. Must be Ottawa Senator fans; The irritating moans give it away. Just like the fan base.

Kendra: It's a busted array like we thought. Sounds like they're having problems with their encoder.

Kendra continues.

Kendra: You get us down there and Isaac and I can fix it. Fourty-eight hours max.

Oh joy to the world.

Hammond: Alright you heard the lady. Take us in. let's see what needs fixing.

Corporal: Gravity tethers engaged. Automatic docking procedure is go.

Why do I get the feeling shit is gonna hit the fan?

The Kellion rattles and a small explosion to the right outside. Something has happened.

 

Hammond: What the hell?!

Called it!

Corporal: Sir! The autodock.

Hammond: What is it?

We're gonna fucking crash.

Corporal: We're off track! We're going to hit the hull!

Called it again!

Hammond: Hit the blast shields! Their guidance tether is damaged! Switch to manual! NOW!

Kendra: Inside the magnetic field? Are you insane?! Abort!

So on a scale of 1-to-"We're fucked": We're up in the "I-hope-you-have-a-will" territory, eh?

Hammond: NO! We can make it inside! Corporal, I gave you an order!

The corporal pulls down a lever to activate the blast shields. This also turns on the manual piloting of the Kellion. The magnetic fields appear to be too strong to steer the ship proper.

 Corporal: Argh, the field's too strong!

Kendra, if you don't mind I'm gonna use your butt as an airbag just in case this chair can't hold me. You cool with that right? It's a big enough target.

This is gonna leave a mark.

Shortly after the crash, all the personnel wake up dazed, but alive.

 I don't think there is enough Advil to kill this headache...

Kendra awakes and confronts Hammond on the dangerous order.

Kendra: What...? What the hell were you thinking?! Were you trying to get us killed?

Hammond (Rebuttals): I just saved our asses, Ms. Daniels!

Hammond: If we had aborted at that speed and distance, we would have smashed right into the side of the Ishimura! Now settle down, and let's get to work. Corporal, report!

Yeah, Kendra! Suck it!

Corporal: I'm not getting any readings from the port booster and we've lost comms and autopilot. It'll take some time to fix.

Hammond: All right, let's get some extra hands from flight deck to help out.

Yes, you go do that.

Kendra: Hold still, Isaac. I'm synching up everyone's RIG's with the ship.

Hammond and Isaac's back soon turns blue.

Kendra: Okay, we're done. Clean bill of health for everyone.

Famous final words for all of us, Kendra.

 Hammond: All right. We've got a job to do. We're moving out.

 The game finally begins.

Well holy crap! Long intro eh? Welcome ladies and germs to Dead Space. A survival-horror shooter that released in 2008. Fun fact: I have beaten this game 13 times, beaten it on the hardest difficulty, and have every single achievnment for the game.

Told ya.

Oh, and I am not doing this on Hard again. 

HA! Nope! Never again!

NOW we can move.

Wanna see the most annoying thing about the game?

This thing.

First time playing: You'll want to pay attention. Thousand times through: You wish there was a "disable annoying green pop-up" feature. They fixed that in the second game.

Before we go anywhere, go left for a free treat.

Med kits: You'll be eating these things left and right.

The blue bar on your back is your health. The other half-circle will be explained later. As for weapons and ammo counter, and inventory, etc. etc.

So let's check out how bad the ship is shall we?

Kendra: You didn't lose the power to the port booster. You LOST the port booster! Unbelievable.

Does our insurance cover this?

Anyways while walking on the walkway there a large screen will talk about the Ishimura more in-depth. You can stand and listen if you wish. Unfortunately no subtitles came up for it.

Hammond: Guess the power's down everywhere. Isaac, get over here and hack this door pad.

Ah, yes: The door holograms.

See, every door either has a blue light that allows you to open it, or is red for locked. Usually they unlock much later. Good thing I can do this. Hammond and Kendra would be fucked without my door-prowess.

"Open?" Why yes!

There will be points where you will be yelling at the door to open fast. Such moment will happen soon.

Honey, I'm home!

Well thank you! Too bad the welcoming committee is pretty "nasty."

Soon as you enter it shows people were trying to book it off the ship. However, a flight board reads that "all flights cancelled." Hmmm........

Kendra: Seems like everyone was trying to pack in a hurry.

Hammond: There should be a security detail in here.

Kendra: Yeah, well there's not. there's nobody here. I can't pick up any broadcasts.

Are you gonna bitch this entire mission? Or should I weld your lips shut now?

Hammond: That security console is still live. Isaac, log in and see what you can find. Kendra, get that elevator back online.

Kendra: Power's dead. I can't.

Hammond: Then re-route the damn power!

So "Marriage Counseling" is out of the question?

Hammond: Look, if we all cooperate, we can figure this out a lot sooner. let's get that computerdisplay up, Isaac.

Since you asked so nicely.

Unlike some of us...

With a lot of survival-horror games you either get horribly lost or have no idea where to go. Usually the map they supply only helps a little. Thankfully, Isaac comes with a handy-dandy Objective-Waypoint-Never-get-Lost-Again marker! OWNLA for short.

I just went through that game.

Never get lost again.

So let's go into the Security room here and see how badly the Ishimura needs a repair job. Anything to get away from the happy couple in the corner.

Huh. Blood. Nah, nothing unusual.

Just ignore the large bloodstains everywhere within the room. Part of the decor.

Anyways upon reaching the panel we soon discover this friggn' ship is gonna need more than a fix to comms.

Alright, who fucked up this ship to no end?

Am I really going to have to fix this entire thing by myself?  Short answer: YES.

Corporal: Huh. That doesn't look good. She's taken a lot of damage.

Thank you, Captain Obvious.

Hammond: The tram system's offline. Getting around is going to be difficult.

Nah, Hammond. I know this ship like the back of my ass. We'll be fine.

Hammond: The air seems to be flowing again. That's a start.

In other words: One less problem. 5,966 other problems to go.

Soon after the air flows, the doors go on auto-lock down. Yellow warning lights begin to flash as they are the only source of light for the room.

Kendra: What the hell was that?

Automatic quarantine, Kendra. Probably your PMS set it off.

Hammond: Automatic quarantine must have tripped when the filtration system restarted. Everybody relax...

Or it could be that. I still blame Kendra.

A noise is heard above in the vents.

Kendra: What was that? Did you hear that?!

Hammond: I'm not sure...

Shortly after a vent behind the corporal breaks open, startling the crew. A creature can be seen approaching the corporal.

Hammond: What the hell?

Kendra: I don't know! Something's in the room with us!

I'd say! Ya can't see that thing in front of ya's?

Without warning, the creature attacks and kills the corporal. Soon Hammond takes notice and open fires. 

Hammond: Jesus! Open fire! Open fire!

Due to all the fireworks the camera was unable to capture the moment properly SO I will narrate like this for fun.

Another creature appears at the far end of the room, and kills the co-pilot. Hammond orders Kendra to open the doors to the elevator.

Hammond: Kendra! Power! Kendra...!

Yeah, hurry up! I don't wanna die like those two mooks!

The creature who killed the corporal ducks back into a ceiling vent, as if to get away from the fire, or to move closer to it's next victim. Kendra hurries to get power running.

Kendra: Come on...come on. Got it!

The door behind Isaac breaks open, allowing a path for escape.

Hammond: Isaac, get the hell out of there!

YA DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME TWICE!!!!

Kendra: The door's unlocked, run!

At this point, run like hell. If you stop, you will get mauled. No matter what just book it down the corridor to the elevator at the end.

Kendra: Run, Isaac! Get the hell out of there!

No I'm gonna stop and have a tea party with my pursuers.

Open! OPEN YA FRIGGN' ELEVATOR!!!!!

At this point whatever was behind you stops.

Oh, faithful elevator. You are my savior.

Son of a....

I stand corrected about this elevator.

Until they take me to creepy basements.

What lurks within the corridors of the Ishimura? What are these strange creatures? Where is the crew? What happened to the happy couple Kendra and Hammond? 

We'll find out...next time.