Cheats: Good for Therapy

More Assassins Creed Three...Stop rolling your eyes this will be it for AC3 for a bit. Maybe, kinda, proably not.

So once you defeat the game there are these "data hacks" strewn around the game's two town's of Boston and New York.

These "hacks" allow you to basically cheat. However the game does not save your progress and achievements are disabled. 

Thankfully, you can turn them on and off at will. I will go through them quickly for the sake of your sanity. I do not remember the names off by heart but I remember the affects:

- Change the time of day to permanently day or night
- Take no damage from any attacks
- Be able to call upon recruits at any time
- Shoot weapons and reload without the need of the animation, (in other words turn a flintlock pistol into a semi-automatic handgun.)
- Able to assassinate any enemy at any given point, (during or out of combat.)

I did not know of these until last night, thanks to Conquer59, our resident troll.

So I said "Fuck it, let's make it snow and dark 24/7." After putting on the listed cheats, I laughed hysterically knowing what to do next:

Ask a local liberated fort if they could try out my new semi-automatic flintlock pistol.

Pretty much all the inhabitants went down in a blaze of "Scarface" quotes and evil laughter from yours truly.

Even the animals felt my wrath. A couple of rabbits plus a deer or two got in my way and looked at me funny. I told them they would fill the stomachs of the pack of wolves just down the hill tonight.

Then I blasted the wolves because I have had it with these mutherfucking wolves in this mutherfucking game!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then I took my unkillable ass to New York, where I had some serious therapy issues to discuss with the Patriots there.

See, New York in the game is kind of a shithole: one area lives in luxury, the other lives in poverty, burnt-down homes and small pox. So modern New York today!

So I march into NY. The guards at the front door look at me. One of them cusses me out under his breath, another gives me the evil eye. I give them the honor of medal in their ugly-ass faces.

Then some fat-ass Grenadiers came marching one by one, I took the liberty of whooping their asses and throwing their bodies in the nearby lake. Turns out they can't swim for shit.

For a solid hour I marched across NY just whooping people's asses. And laughing hysterically.

After slaughtering half the town I ran into General George Washington, who was oblivious to my killing spree wiping out half of his general force.

Turns out he wanted to play a game of sorts. Probably a "Game of Thrones."

I politely declined and continued to kill two German mercenaries right next to him. Again, he didn't bat an eyelash. Smart man.

Near the end of my spree I decided to start a riot for shits and giggles, just to fuck with a patrol barreling down at me. In the wake of trying to kill them, I accidentally killed some civilians. I say "accidentally," but one dude looked at me funny, and another guy insulted my outfit. They had it coming.

If you "by accident" kill civilians, or not skin any of the animals you kill, the game basically kills you off and shoves you back somewhere. Usually with full ammo and health.

This isn't bad unless your doing missions, then it gets REAL annoying fast.

So I said fuck it and went to watch the Golden Globes. Because every great assassin needs a break. And what better than to watch people get snubbed, win big, and pet overly-large-ass egos for three hours.

Maybe we'll get lucky and Hollywood will be a future destination in "Assassins Creed Four."