Dark Souls Ep. 4: Nightmare Sewers

Last post here.

 Last time, we just entered The Depths. And got greeted by slimes, man eating women, and got invaded off camera.

And now ere greeted by a torch wielding zombie. Perfect.

As mentioned before The Depths are full of nasty rats and everything you imagine in a horror flick about the sewers.

I get a Dead Space vibe every time I go into this place. Where the fuck is Issac Clarke when ya need him?

Probably this guy ate him.

Say hi to Orange the Rat. He either had way too much steroids in his diet or ate too much shit while living down here. I dunno, all I know is he's big, and hits pretty hard. Having said that, we can cheese him out later.

Moving on, let's go try to find a sorcerer who can make the boss extremely difficult for this area. If only I could find him first...

This place is a Goddam maze.

You can get turned around here easily. So it's best to hold your shield up high and watch your corners. You don't know what's gonna ambush you. More importantly, watch the fucking floor for holes.

Don't drop down just yet. It's madness down there.

Near the beginning you pick up a Greataxe and a key to the sewers.

I can't use it; Not strong enough. Figures.

Key I believe unlocks the door to the bonfire upstairs. Hi Orange.

Past a fog gate down a ways you will find a nice patio to look over your future combat with the dragon boss.

Huh, somethings down a ways...

Well hello Mr. Sorcerer!

If you do not kill this guy, and you face the boss, he can shoot arrows at you AND buff the dragons strength and resistance to punishment.

In laments terms: Sorcerer makes the boss "Buff the Magic Dragon."

Won't be buffing anything now, will ya?

Well I can guess how you died buddy.

From here, you can catch a glimpse of the arena you'll be fighting in. And can better understand how much this sorcerer could see.

No, you cannot jump this wall and face the boss now. I tried.

Now that one problem is finished, lets go back and kill Orange the Rat. If I remembered to not fall down one of the holes in the floor.

You know your fucked when you land next to a tower of jelly and shit.

Proably the most scariest enemy so far to me is down in these tunnels. Say hi to the mutated frogs from Hell. Also known as Basilisk.

You are one ugly motherfucker...

Thanks to the Dark Souls Wiki for the extra titbits. I can go to bed tonight happy knowing their names proper.

These things cause a certain effect called "Curse." What this does, is when you die and respawn at the bonfire, your HP is halved. So that big red bar up there would almost gone. Also your Humanity counter will be replaced with a skull; You cannot revive to Human form or kindle a bonfire.

More laments terms: It fucking sucks being Cursed!

How to cure: you need a purging stone and use it on one self. This restores all stats. You buy these from crazy sewer lady or Oswald the dude in the Bell tower.

They also drop these friggn' things. Because one needs a reminder of them.

Actually the eyes are used for a covenant much later on.

Eventually we make our way to a round-about path which splits into three ways:

All roads lead to pain in this game.

Left is the way to GTFO. Forward leads to a jump for some souls, and right loops to iron bars. All three ways, have the frogs. So no avoiding their Bullshit Mist of Curse.

At a point where you almost reach a long tunnel, you get a scripted invasion by an NPC. This only happens if the boss hasn't died yet, and your in human form. So who's wise enough to go against Chantalle the Murderous Cleric, eh?

Motherfucker. Captain Kirk? captain fucking James T. Kirk? Shouldn't you be hamming some acting career somewhere else?

I thought I felt a disturbance in the force...

*Puts on William Shatner voice*

Captain's Log: James T. Kirk.
I, invaded, some poor sap's world. Turns out, she was, clad in heavy armor. And very, skilled.
Must, bring her in, for testing, of this thing called, "Force."
I tried, to slap her, with my "barbed sword." But she, wasn't having it!
She penetrated me, with her Halberd, and made me feel so, dirty.
This world, is so...dangerous. Star Wars, is so much.....Better.
Scotty, beam me up. I have to watch "Return of the Jedi."
I'll let, the dragon, finish her off.

End log.

Back to your shitty Enterprise with you!

Oooooo, free shit!

Don't worry. He'll be back. We can get his armor if we fight him two more times. And I'm sure we'll have more puns on how Star Wars is better than Star Trek.

By the way The Death Star called, our ships are better.

I will be waiting for hate messages in the comments.

Anyways from here we can go up a set of stairs and either kill the boss or head for the bonfire. At this point we need a shield for the next section.

Behind where man eating lady was, fall down this hole.

And onto a pile of skeletons.

And now we can snipe at Orange.

Or should I say...Cheese him out?

Danger, danger: High Voltage!

Now that he's dead, we can collect the Spider Shield.

This resists poison. There is a lot of poison things next stage.

Orange drops a ton of souls and one sprite of humanity for all that trouble of killing him.

Well he doesn't respawn so I guess it'll do.

From here, we can take a shortcut to the boss. Using a ramp adjacent to the entrance of the room. Whatever you do, only go and hug the left wall; the right will send ya down to the fucking frogs again.

Wheeeeeeeeeeee!

NOW we can go after the boss. It's safe to note dragons are very weak against lightning attacks, spells, and upgraded weapons. So were gonna summon Sun Bro in so I can shoot lightning bolts all day.

Don't drop your soapstone around him...

So this boss is called The Gaping Dragon. Or, as some people call him, "The Vagina Dragon." I'm not sure why, so let's find out. Can't be that bad right?

WHAT KIND OF WOMEN ARE PEOPLE SEEING TO SAY THIS IS A VAGINA DRAGON?!?!

Right now if you said "He looks pretty big..." That's because he is. In fact, he almost takes up the tiny arena you fight in.

Here's the problem: During photos, it was impossible to get a good shot of him. Every second he was either flying up in the air to do a ground pound, tail swiping poor Solaire, or charging at me to eat me. He never does this. Usually he smacks the ground charges and repeats.

On the plus side he drops some good shit.

Double plus: I didn't die from him!

After he dies, we can pick up the "warrior" armor set, and basically a helmet we can use now.

Badass.

 Closing up now, we'll head back to Firelink so we can meet the pyromancer we saved.

When you talk to him, he offers you to train in pyromancy. Say "No" when he saids if it's too cumbersome for you.

Barely made it out.

You need this to cast any pyromancy. 

Now we can burn shit!

So this is the end to this post! Before I go it is time for you to decide my fate.

The next area has two points of entryways. The place: Blighttown. A hell-hole filled with things that poison you, beat you senseless, and outright annoying as sin.

These are the ways in:

This is the front door into Blighttown. Not recommended and extremely nasty.

Back door into Blighttown. Shorter, gets to the bonfire quicker, yet still no less dangerous.

A poll will go up letting you decide which way you want me to go. I will give it some days for results due to me trying out a different style of the pic-description. Then I will see which style you like better.

Poll will end Tuesday 13th. Wednesday 14th.

Until then, I hope you all enjoy the weekend! Take care everyone! Wave bye Chantalle.

"Add 'Dragon Killer' to my resume. Along with 'Ninja-destroyer.'"

Damn friggn straight.