Dark Souls Ep. 3: We're off to The Depths!

Last episode here.

Catch-up post here.

 When we were here last time, we talked to people, killed some pissed off people, and learned our lesson in screwing with camera settings! This time I got it right hopefully!

Anyways we are off to what is an optional area at most: The Depths. Pretty much a sewage system meets Dead Space. Minus Necromorphs.

It's optional because it has the main entrance to an area we have to go to. However there is a backdoor I could take, but I will leave it up to you. More later...

First we need to go to the bridge with Mr. Dragon, flip him the bird and slide down a really long ass ladder.

Hope there's no such thing as "Ladder burn."

Once down, we have made it into the lower areas if the Undead Burg. Remember that Wizard I gave ya a glance at in the 2 and a half post? Here's where you find him locked up.

Well he must've had barrels of fun in there.

You need the residence key to save him. Which you need from the merchant in Undead Parish.

Once his sorry ass is free, we can stroll down the alley with no worries of ambushes, death, or any sense of danger.

Nothing could possibly attack us here.

When you go down a bit, doors fly open and out come honest-to-God ninjas.

Oh crap, NINJAS!!!!

These sons-of-bitches parry your attacks for a throat-slit animation, can do back flips and cause bleed for extra damage. Oh, and their a pain in the ass to kill!

AGH!!! YOU GODDAM NINJAS AND YOUR "CAUSING BLOOD LOSS!"

I fucking HATE ninjas. The only good ninja is one at the business end of my Halberd! Or in this case a Rapier sword.

Oh, you ninja prick...

How does my Rapier in your SPINE feel!?

Me: 1
Ninjas: 0

That's not all of them, move down a bit and three more ambush you.

They were too busy cowering in their homes to come out for a picture.

Six ninjas down, too many to count to go.

One of them was nice enough to drop his hood for me.

Just what I always fucking wanted!

Ok so their technically Thief's. I'm calling them ninjas, dammit!

Now we have to fight a boss and his hell hounds in order to get a key from him.

First we're gonna set my sword on fucking fire.

Why set my sword on fire?

That's why.

Say hi to Capra Demon. He becomes a common enemy later. Joy.

His two dogs are the hardest thing here. You can block almost all of his attacks, minus a double-handed swing that'll kill your stamina. Once the dogs die, it's open season on purple goat boy here.

Come at me bro!

The good thing about using a Rapier is you can attack while holding your shield up. Certain dex swords do that, but at the cost of low damage. Which is why I lit my sword on fire.

Bye bye, noodle head.

And thanks for the key.

Now we can enter the Depths.

First we have to deal with another Goddam ninja.

Make that two Goddam ninjas...

If ya kill this guy, the one in the distance just sits back and waits his turn. Now that I got my Halberd back, it's time to send these two back to Ninja school.

Class dismissed.

Since I wasted about all my resources on these bitches we'll stop by Firelink first for a rest.

And you are?

A merchant lady. Yes, she is a woman albeit undead. She sells moss which helps cure poison and toxins. But they will be useful later. So for now I just buy some poison arrows and piss off.

Eek.

Back at Firelink, you can talk to Crestfallen dude and he tells you the lady in white has arrived. I believe I mentioned before she and that blonde dude from the start were going grave-robbing.

Told ya.

Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb called they said you suck.

Try to talk to them and one just mumbles and the other just tells you off. Their her bodyguards, and they totally won't die later.

Last time I checked I was Undead.

believe it or not she is technically a quest you can follow up. I will try to complete it, seeing as according to the wiki, it doesn't end well.

Foreshadow much?

NOW we can go to The Depths.

About time.

This area is a bit of a hell hole. Lots of things here are very weak against fire-based attacks. So a pyromancer would be good here.

Speaking of pyromancy, there is a NPC trapped down here who can teach you it for free. First we have to take out the chef.

I don't think I wanna know what's for dinner.

"She" is a man-eating cook. Yes, she. The developers said so. She's not too difficult, just avoid her big-ass butcher's knife and back stab her into submission.

I'm guessing the Subway diet didn't work, eh?

Think of her as a mini boss. Because once she dies, you can loot her chest of goodies.

This chest FYI.

That ember is needed to upgrade weapons to +10. Give it to Andre and he'll hook a brother/sister up.

If ya think one man-eating cook was easy? Try a second one.

You cannot hide from my Bolts of Shear WIN!

She jumps down as you move down a small alley. Again, back stab into submission, and reap the reward:

A fucking sack?

Because I always wanted to look like a cannibalistic sack lady!

Go into this small room where she jumps down in front of, and you see a helpless dude asking you to free him.

Since you asked so nicely...

Do a barrel roll! Into him. DO NOT ATTACK THE BARREL'S. You may wind up killing him. Once he's free he explains that he owes you, by teaching pyromancy back a firelink.

See? Even he said it's a woman!

Once he's free we can move onto the bonfire for this area. First we wanna pick up a shiny.

Seems legit.

Oh what the fuck?! AHHHHHHHHHHH!

That is a blob. They are really strong against physical attacks. However, fire and lightning are their downfall. That drop move can kill you at low health, so it's best to watch the ceilings for this beginning area.

Welcome to The Depths. Enjoy your stay.

However, they drop large titanite shards, which are used to upgrade your stuff further than regular shards.

Well they would but they seem to just drop fucking green shards right now.

Cheap bastards.

Might wanna light this before I get invaded.

Speaking of invaded, off camera I got invaded by some asshole. He was a character Dark Souls call "Dark Wraiths." They can invade anytime they want at any given level. Usually their probably up in the 70's late 100's level.

The asshole who killed me whooped my ass but not before inserting my Halberd into his crotch. At least he can't father little Dark Wraiths. So first death of the game, ya?

Next time, we will fight rats, mutated frogs, a asshole sorcerer, and a dragon that looks like a vagina.

That is for next time. Say bye Chantalle!

"I'm going to get invaded now!"

 Sigh. See ya soon folks!