Tips on how to have a Happy Halloween

 Ah, life is back to normal now. Whatever normal is these days. Anyways apologies once again; personal life can be a fun yet busy policy.

Seeing as Halloween is coming up, I decided to lend some tips for the lot of ya's before you all head out being someone your not and having a decent excuse to go on one big sugar rush. This goes for my ONE German follower too.

Don't lie to me: Half of you reading this are either heading out on the 31st for:

A) Free candy
B) Chicks in "interesting" costumes
C) Halloween parties
D) Both A, B and C
E) Duh, FREE FUCKING CANDIEEEE!!!!!!!!!

Whatever the case, let Uncle Canadian Dude tell you how it's done. Don't worry, I'm a professional.

Always check your candy
- Yes, I see you rolling your eyes, but hear me out. Your mother is always right, and this particular subject is no farther from the truth.

You never know what could be in those delicious sweets. C4 in the Rockets, razor blade in the Tootsie roll, tickets to the next "Twilight" movie in the Snickers bar.

If it were up to me, and if I was rich (which I'm far fucking from it) I would slip in a $20 bill with the candy. Share the happiness I say!

Never travel alone
- Let's face it: going out anywhere alone sucks. So it's better to have a buddy/posse/small Roman army behind you.

Before you head out, be sure to set ground rules. Who gets what candy, do you all hit a house at once, who becomes the "wingman," etc.

Better that way in case someone runs off with the Reese's/girl/toilet paper. If it were me, I'd tackle the fucker for them Rockets. Noone touches my Rockets...

When dressing up, be origional
- Anyone can dress like a slutty pumpkin, slutty nurse, or a slutty ladybug. The real winners are the ones who dress up.

For example, Commander Shepard, The Munsters (try to pull off the accent), or someone from "Game of Thrones."

Now if someone is trolling you and mocking your outfit, either let them know at least my mother didn't make it for me," or just use whatever prop you have to "submit them to your will."

Don't do what I did: Dress up as a fail-Ozzy Osbourne. I'm sure my friends who witnessed my bad costume can attest to that. Also, if my friend is reading this: That was the best night I had in 22 years.

Until I went to Paris. That tops everything. 

Don't insult a person's costume.
- When you see that one person with an awesome costume, compliment on their creativity. "That's the most realistic Yoda I've seen," "Fester, is that you?"

Having said that, do be careful when trolling people who go as vampires, zombies, witches. You never know if those fangs are real, they could eat you, or turn you into something unmentionable.

Then again, pick-up lines aplenty for those cases. "Mind if I taste those fangs?," "Wanna 'pick' my brain?," or my favorite, "Does that broom have room for two?"

If any of these work, YOUR FUCKING WELCOME. I expect a Thank you card.

Finally, Enjoy yourself!
- Pretty much self explanatory, isn't it?

And that's it! Whenever your giving out candy, getting your freaky-ass costume on, or just livin' up a party, do it safely, and in style.

May you all enjoy Halloween! If anyone needs any advice/tips/wingman, well Uncle Canadian Dude can be there "spiritually."