How to blow up expensive military equipment

 So last night me and Conquer hopped into some random server in Battlefield Three. Nothing new there, except for the absolute mayhem that ensured...

So we hop into this Conquest server, and spawn in what we thought was a dead game. Not one person was around where we spawned. There was signs of battle; scorch marks from explosions and small craters, but nothing to show that there was somebody around.

So we head up to the flag "C" to get an idea if anybody's home. We found out the team we joined had the opposing side pinned in their spawn. If there wasn't a insta-kill barrier to keep you from camping their area, I'm sure the guy in the tanks would've had a friggn picknick.

I decided I be a helping hand by feeding people ammo to keep up the good fight. I swear I never seen so many re-supply ribbons pop up on my screen before. Practically every five seconds people were getting ammo; but every five seconds there was some idiot bad guy who figured he try to fly a helicopter to do failtacular gun runs. Hence, the feeding of ammo.

One instance had the chopper head to flag "A" to try and flank us from behind. Some reason I accidentally spawned at "A" as an engineer. Just as I was about to mock myself, in comes the choppa doing a gun run on me. For some odd reason he figured if he get to my level he could kill me. I don't think they teach you that at flight school.

Without thinking I pull out the rocket launcher and shoot a "present" straight into the cockpit. I don't think the guy had time to even blink or put a thought into his head before his Blackhawk went down. Whatever flight school he went to, they didn't train him enough.

So that's a quarter of a million dollars down the drain so far for the enemy team. I got killed by some random asshat with a sniper rifle and took up my duties as support again, or as I put it, "The Water Boy with Bullets." Because it's the only way I could do well without firing a single bullet.

Unfortunately this tank driver decided he wasn't gonna take it anymore, and rolled onto our right flank. Now, before this another chopper (same dude I killed flying it) got PWNED by three anti-air rockets before he could even hit the "deploy flares" button. Yet one tank with one tank was able to go on a killing spree for 10 minutes. And half of our team had Javelins.

That's because an engineer was nearby to buff out the scratches and keep the thing trucking along. Again, I was a support, I felt useless. Until I realized I had C4 charges screaming at me "use us, dumbass!" If they had teeth they bite me in the ass.

"Command & Conquer's" commando would be proud of my actions. I pretty much bum-rushed the damn tank, threw two pounds of "boom-boom" on it, while the engineer got out to see what I was doing.

"I got a 'present' for ya!" *Click*, BOOM! One dead tank and an engineer that'll need to be glued back together. In hell.

"That was left-handed," I exclaimed happily.

This happened again, but this time the guy blew me up a couple of times. My guess if you see some random soldier running at you he ain't offering a cheap discount on tank insurance. Hopefully the dudes insurance covers "C4 blowing your ass up."

*Click*, BOOM! And the body somehow rag dolls and flies to the Moon. Real tough guy!

The next match sees the enemy stealing my idea: Instead of a tank they use Humvee's. And instead of walking up to us they arm said Humvee with enough C4 to bring down a small village and drive it into anything that gets in the way.

At one point we pin them again into their spawn, but not without a tank sniping us from atop a frickin hill. Yes, you read correctly: Because their snipers suck so bad, they rely on a tank to snipe us. Good shot he was, until he was sent to the scrap heap.

In a last ditch effort to push us back, they send friggn' three suicide buggies at us. Only to be destroyed by an allied AT mine. I'd offer them counseling, but their usually either blown to pieces or bailed before the jeep failed and got shot up upon exit.

The term "Desperate times call for desperate measures," comes to mind here. but I think the guy who said that never expected some dudes getting helicopters blown up, tank's being sent to the scrap heap, and gas-guzzling jeeps being used as a means of blowing shit up. I smell a reality show in the making.